How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
