If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
