I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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