drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
