I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
