dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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