I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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