You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
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Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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