I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
