Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
