he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
