thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
