So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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