I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
