Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
