so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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