Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
