these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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