I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
