you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
