I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize