Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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