it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
