i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
