omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
