She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love you.
Bad choice
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