why didn't you poke me back
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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