She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
