I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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