if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
