My vagina just recognized that song.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Boobs speak an international language.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
