i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
