Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dick very happy bro
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
