no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
