In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I would fuck him just for his dog
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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