Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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