I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dignity is for republicans.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
