he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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