Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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