I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
