And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
