remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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