i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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