Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
