There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
