Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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