I wish I could teleport
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
