I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
