but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
