"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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