i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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