all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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