How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
