Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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