glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
