Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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