WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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