I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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