The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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