try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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