Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
