and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I deserve this hangover.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
