Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
