another moral hangover. fuck.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
