my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
