At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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