the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
