I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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