ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
