it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
